Click here to scroll down to all of Kohberger’s posts on Tapatalk.
In a TapaTalk forum from Bryan Kohberger in July 2011, Kohberger describes issues such as visual snow, depression, and migraines.
I have had this horrible Depersonalization go on in my life for almost 2 years. I often find myself making simple human interactions, but it is as if I am playing a role playing game such as oblivion; I can see what is going on, I am slightly into it, but I can pause the game and focus on my real life. In this case, my life is the game and my old self can be reached by pausing the game, but how? I often think of things that humans do, things I have done my whole life, I feel like an organic sack of meat with no self worth, as I am starting to view everyone as this.
Everything I have ever done, makes no sense. How did things get this way? How am I wearing this shirt, and who decided that humans shall wear shirts like this? Are we all just advanced ANIMALS with possession, or is there more, more that I can’t see? I can’t connect. I view everything as I would if I was playing oblivion, pointless and full of nothing, out of reality. I am moving out of my house, my last holidays were already lived, but where was I?
As my family group hugs and celebrates, I am stuck in this void of nothing, feeling completely no emotion, feeling nothing. I feel dirty, like there is dirt inside of my head, my mind, I am always dizzy and confused. I feel no self worth. I am intelligent but I feel the opposite. I say things I don’t mean. The last holiday in my house, the house I grew up in, the house I once contributed to, the house I once felt at home in, is passed. As I hug my family, I look into their faces, I see nothing, it is like I am looking at a video game, but less. I feel less than mentally damaged, it is like I have severe brain damage. I am stuck in the depths of my mind, where I have to constantly battle my demons, am I here or am I fake?
I feel myself slipping away, I hear screams faintly, but I constantly battle away from it. What if I let go… where would I be? Would I ever come back to reality? I try to remember where I originated from, but I can’t. I barely remember my childhood. I often fear being 80 years old, alone, and having faint memories of my parents, everything I missed out on. I think about my father, what a good man he is, how I treat him like dirt because I have this condition, and I can’t take it. I might spiral out of control and lose myself in the void, I can’t let it all go. All of these regrets I predict for my future self… all of these thoughts of remorse… I got this when I was in my stage of discovery.
“Now I look in the mirror and I see this sickly, tired, useless and stupid man in the mirror, he is a complete disgrace, he doesn’t even deserve to live!”
Bryan Kohberger, 2011
I remember when I was 15, I would wander alone at 2 am, everything was so generic, nowhere felt like home, I saw things that were not there, a different reality. I felt eerie and alone, I died during those nights. I felt like a criminal, but where was my record? I can’t talk without flinching now. I used to be this healthy blonde haired boy with blue eyes, and in a few years I have darker hair and darker eyes, half the body weight.
Where did I leave off? I try to sleep, I try to clear my head, but the pressure won’t go away, the pain and depression won’t leave. Being me is this horrible disease that I was given. I think of this as I succumb to sleep, but I see a large intensity of black/yellow/white fuzz; it makes my mind fizzle and I can barely keep in the bounds of reality. It is as if the ringing in my ears and the fuzz in my vision is simply all of the demons in my head mocking me. I fall asleep, but I wake up quickly to bloody screams. Is any of this here? Am I brain damaged? NO?! Then why am I like this?
I have these thoughts all in my head, I search for someone to relate to me, everyone looks down upon me, no one can relate. As I try to read, suddenly my eyes look right through the words, when I look up, I see blue dots near the center of my vision. When I feel slightly calm, it gets hard to breath, and I see bright dots in my vision. Nothing I do is enjoyable. I am blank, I have no opinion, I have no emotion, I have nothing. Can you relate?
Kohberger Tapatalk Posts
- Come to terms with the VS?I have just accepted my visual snow finally. I don’t even feel the need to stay away from the forum, it doesn’t scare me anymore! anyone else come to terms? I feel like comign to terms could be a bad thing though.. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Feb 20, 2012 - Topamax or sodium Valporate???I went crazy on topomax… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Feb 20, 2012 - Is this a VS thing? visual symptoms from coughing?yes I get those as well, well i used to when i first started working out, now I don’t unless im sprinting posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Dec 21, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowand honestly 21st level your are a troll in every way, you are just upset about your personal issues and have to be a complete jerk to everyone who looks for hope, go away posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Dec 20, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI havent tried it yet I honestly dont think i can do it… but when i was on a little 5 day trial period, some issues did go away but that could be because I stopped drinking coffee posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Dec 20, 2011 - I simply don’t want to live anymoreYou feeling the same way makes me feel like someone is there, thanks for responding to me. And I have taken Migraine pills, actually every effective migraine pill on the market and I ended up overdosing nearly 2 times. Off of those meds I wouldn’t consider doing that again though posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Dec 19, 2011 - I simply don’t want to live anymoreI have had this for over 2 years, and I have it bad in every single way. Not one night have I slept normal since and I feel like I am trapped here. I have been able to block it out for awhile now but I realize what is wrong and it suddenly becomes unbelievable. I am desensitized in every way now.Peo… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Dec 19, 2011 - What we all have seen at one pointSometimes, when we move from a sitting position to a standing one, our vs turns really bright and intense in comparison to the usual. Today I got up and it got so bad that I almost fell and my heart pounded intensely.. I couldn’t see for that .8 secondscompletely posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jul 21, 2011 - Vs has improved!I started treatment for hypothyroidism, and also i am exercising very heavily and eating a lot of very good stuff posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jul 08, 2011 - my vs sometimes gets worse for awhileI see like silver balls, silver vs that is exagerated? for like awhile posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jul 06, 2011 - If You Take PLAQUENIL, You Must Read This!It is a very rare condition caused by the medicine… it is unrelated to visual snow though? posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jul 05, 2011 - Can you relate?I have had this horrible Depersonalization go on in my life for almost 2 years. I often find myself making simple human interactions, but it is as if I am playing a role playing game such as oblivion; I can see what is going on, I am slightly into it, but I can pause the game and focus on my real li… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jul 04, 2011 - Drop in blood pressure/fainting caused great increase in snow, what does this tell us?yes vulture same here posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jun 03, 2011 - Gingko Biloba – Interesting Reactionyou will be back to normal youn just used ginko too much.. 400 mils cold be too much for u posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 31, 2011 - Glad forum is still getting usei am pledging loyalty to this site it has helped me amazingly! posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 30, 2011 - Drop in blood pressure/fainting caused great increase in snow, what does this tell us?Well it seems whenever we eat unhealthy things, our symptoms worsen *mostly mental symptoms*. Like for me my tinnitus and snow increase when i eat junk. I think it is related to a chemical imbalance because our vessels are going haywire for some reason and the fact food influences it may mean someth… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 29, 2011 - ECTiit sounds like you are on mind altering medication “needhelp”. When i was on topomax i did crazy shit that i should have died from… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 29, 2011 - vision got sensative to light and i could almost make out my vision fading?My pupils were going crazy, i could barely look at light! I felt like a flim over my vision and it got sensative to light… its like the film made stuff fade out but not comptely! ever happen to you guys? It also l0oked to be like a whitish shaded circle in my vision ( outlining the light tht i saw… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 28, 2011 - weed, and will it affect me?if youre worried about the vs it will get worse, and even if it does it gets better. I say NO, it makes it worse posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 14, 2011 - Does VS/ Mental block/ depersonalization effect driving?Does it? posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 14, 2011 - Am I the only one?I always feel as if I am not there, completely depersonalized. Mentally I experience: -Fog -Lack of comprehension at some times -feel like my life is a movie (depersonalization) -Depression -No interest in activity -Constant thought of suicide -Crazy thoughts -Delusions of Grandeur -Anxiety -Poor se… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 12, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI wouldn’t fall for a scam that’s the difference between me and everyone on here except you and Matt… posted in General Discussion
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May 06, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI really believe in this diet.. but I sparked the interest in many people, so much for Omega to even post a thread about the candida diet. So I guess I am not failing my purpose. My friend’s uncle is giving me the diet list soon, it’s just been busy. I work too you know… The diet is specific and y… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 05, 2011 - Something peculiar I noticedI even said in my previous thread that this is possible… something is inflaming them. I know what it is but I am not gonna dare post it here… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 05, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI didn’t buy the book yet its been rough lately posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
May 05, 2011 - What is your physical condition?<br> posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - How many of us are there?yeah I never thought it normal but i didnt think it was abnormal really because all the test I ever had came back good posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - HELP ME PLEASE – MORNING CHANGESIt is VS related so I would say going to the ER could be pointless. In time it will fade. if nto go to the er posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - How many of us are there?Does anyone care to make an educated guess? I would really love to finally meet someone else who suffer as we do and chat, but I haven’t found anyone in DC yet. A fair amount I’d imagine. I’ve encountered about 4 people who have visual snow (only vs) and thought it was normal. Yeah but a lot of … posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - the benefit of our disease?I have become very deep and determined on goals. it made me smarter… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - Does anyone in your family have vs?<br> posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 30, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI never said Xanax was the cure I just wanted to know if it actually helped people. Ok I will do this diet. I just wanted you guys to understand this before I started it. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 29, 2011 - Has anyone been to a migrane specialist?I could have went to philly for this posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 27, 2011 - Candida diet basic guidelinesyou can kill candida with this , but not all the toxins so I recommend trying the detox I will post something like this soon By other toxins are you also talking about heavy metals? environmental toxins? Yes, any toxin like fungus, candida, etc. I recommend getting rid of it all at once! posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 27, 2011 - Releasing a rap song for everyone with VSI want to express our struggles through rap, I think people should know. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 25, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowsweet, hook me up. Where can I go to get pretty much a meal plan for dummies. The book is like 25 bucks, even on amazon and ebay I am buying it and posting the meal plan on here.. Don’t worry about buying it unless you want clarity. I am going to post videos on it and what not. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 25, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowOk, so I think that my visual problems have gotten worse since starting to take wellbutrin and a sleeping med. WIll this diet help me? Or only people who have the yeast problems? Yes if it got worse due to a medicine, then there is chemical imbalance due to them. If you do the diet it will remove t… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 25, 2011 - two blue circles? or am i the only one?it seems to have relation the the angle your eyes are at… for me it doesnt happen a lot but only for split seconds at certain angels posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 24, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowYes i am buying the book and I will talk about the diet and even printout the list of foods and what not. Thank you for being open minded, which isn’t hard to do when you have something as odd as VS. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 24, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowWhy are you so spiteful about this diet that can possibly help you posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 24, 2011 - Xanax?OK I know that something as XANAX is not on a detox diet, I just was curious. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 23, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowyou can’t. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 23, 2011 - Xanax?All over on youtube I am seeing comments that xanax cures VS… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - two blue circles? or am i the only one?I have the same exact thing. I actually have those and something else now. It seems like there are 3 silverish circles when i move my left eye to the far right and if I loomfar left i see one close to the end and one on the end. weird shit man posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowyes those sights are wrong but they give you an idea of stuff you have. In simplicity, a detox diet will fix any fungus or candida problems you have so you can’t say what I am saying is false. I am doing it and I will make a vlog so dont worry posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowyes ethanlol, there are certain kinds you can and can’t have… actually I will be taking http://all-one.com/catego…-base-30-day-supply.html http://all-one.com/catego…rmula-30-day-supply.html posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowoh you will get complex carbs on the diet…. it is required to eat only certain fruits. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowIt isn’t a scam I have a whole bunch of people who did this and it worked. i know them in real life… and humans don’t NEED carbs to live my friend! you won’t starve you really don’t understand this please don’t discourage me, I am not an idiot who falls for a scam. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI believe that the blood vessels are inflamed because of toxins, the only reason! I have had everything tested. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowI agree with the bloodflow part. I actually made a thread about that before… But what causes this blood flow problem? It is still undiagnosed. In my head after I exercise my visual snow increases in intensity and the vein in my head pumps so hard I feel it.I think our veins are slightly inflamed f… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snow whats to lose… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowwell I am saying I sat infront of the PC and got unhealthy while drinking things that contain toxins. Candida is NOT the only thing I am talking about. Toxins are not “ALIVE” but they are in your body. That is all I am saying. Something in your body is not supposed to be there, hence unwanted results. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - Do you feel nearly retarded/impairedAt first, I always felt disconnected and not there. My reading also became difficult because its as if i look through words… its weird like i can’t see them the right way. That got less and I read way above average so I am ok. With VS , I think deeper. I am a smart person and anxiety makes you dum… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowoff for tonight, seeya posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 22, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowThere is a printout that my friend has .. I will get that and photocopy it, and put it on the internet for you to see. I’ll get it by tommorow posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 21, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowwell your foot fungus and visual snow are both caused by toxins ( fungus, yeast). I have been tested for everything, i went to the doctor and he said that everything i had was migraines, which is basically your brain reacting to some type of chemical change, thus it acts haywire.What causes these “m… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 21, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowThat´s basically paleo diet.. no its a detox diet posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 21, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowno there are certain things u cant eat on it that you probably ate. trust me you didnt. it isnt a paleo diet. I will find out the exact diet plan soon my friend has it printed i lost the sheet http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/fighting/fighting0004.gif / posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 21, 2011 - I know the cause/ cure of visual snowVisual snow is caused by toxins in our body. These toxins range from yeast overgrowth (candida) http://www.candidafree.net/ all the way to fungus. Check out the link for Candida, it has almost every VS symptom except the term “VS”. It says migraines which are the same thing as VS in my experience, t… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Apr 21, 2011 - Vestibular Disorder Connection?well any damage to this part of the brain will show up on an mri.. no damage with mine… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Mar 05, 2011 - I believe this to be the cause of VShonestly, the tests would not pick up inflamation of little veins… they could detect an artery though, but not always. It is really diagnosed by inflamed veins/ arteries… and if you have these symptoms then you know you have the disease. When i got an optical test done on me, it was shown that m… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jan 18, 2011 - I believe this to be the cause of VSI believe it to have its nerve roots as well as its vein roots/ arteries. It seems that this disease we all have is some type of inflamatory disease… In this case it would be easily treatable… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jan 18, 2011 - I believe this to be the cause of VSI am going to talk to a GOOD neurologist about this, one that is very open minded. I think this really is the cause… and to rainydays: yes when i exert myself I get the “pulse vision” too. In other topics people have said they felt weird feeling in their jaw/ chest, with NO explanation. Well, it M… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jan 17, 2011 - I believe this to be the cause of VSI have had VS since september 21st of 2009. Since then I have changed, mainly from the anxiety and sense of derealization and hopelessness. Today, I felt a deep heartbeat in my head, one that felt through my eyes and all over my head. I get this a lot but never think about it. At times when I lay do… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Jan 15, 2011 - Who else has this happen?On the left side of your peripheral vision there is like.. a point where you pass something and it gets deformed slightly as if something flickers over it… I can feel this somehow in my eye but I will be seeing a neurologist in 4 days, and since I saw an eye doctor a month ago and no eye condition… posted in General Discussion
- Visual snow spreading amazingly to Left peripheral so bad that it is like there is a light over it and it distorts stuff.It is 24/7 but I feel like it is deteriorating my peripheral vision! It started after I woke up with severe VS. I think that maybe there is a pill that will atleast stop this stupid side VS… it is almost like there is a film with like a black shade with flcikering over my eye… and it is not even… posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Nov 08, 2009 - Peripheral visual snow?When you look up at the sky and it is severe, do you ever experiance that in your peripheral vision? I noticed it and thought i had some light in the vision but it was just the snow, flickering like usual. posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Nov 07, 2009 - Visual snow in paripheral vision extremely at times?SOmetimes (newly so it will probably increase) in my peripheral vision (mostly left) it seems to flicker… something major is wrong with me posted in General Discussion Exarr.thosewithvisualsnow
Nov 06, 2009 - Waking up and it gets worse?!Dago wrote: [hr] Well obviously there is a medical reason, we just don’t know what it is. How long did it mostly took to go away when you woke up? Hours, or minutes or seconds? Usually like 30 seconds , it got better now from that so it took like 4 hours this time lol posted in General Discussion
About the Author
Thank you for this all-inclusive format!
Anyone know where all the other tapatalk posts are? There’s over 100.
all there, scroll down.
All this is very interesting but how do we know that this is the BK in custody? Didn’t know he was ever blond hair and blue eyes.
All this is very interesting but how do we know that this is the BK in custody?
How do we know this is the BK in custody? Was he ever blonde, blue eyed?